Have you ever....

said something and then maybe wished you hadn't?!?! I don't know if I wish I hadn't. I meant what I said, but I am afraid that saying it in the context I did, it will be misinterpreted. Maybe instead of listening to and being harrassed by my friend, I should have just gone with my own instincts...lol. Oh well, I did mean it, that part is true. I just hope it wasn't taken as waaaay more than it was meant. Could I be any more vague on this blog about whatever it is I am talking about. Wouldn't you like to know!!!

So, if you happen to read this, and it makes sense to you....know this, I meant it, maybe not in the way you might think I meant it, but I did mean it nonetheless...

Back to your regularly scheduled coherent thought processes.

Shut The Front Door!!!

Today at the zoo, I saw the darndest thing. Then driving home, I saw the same thing on Rock Creek Parkway. What is it I saw you ask. I saw Metropolitan Police on Segways. Why? That is what I want to know. Why not bicycles? Why are they on Segways?!?!?! Do we not need our police to be in tip top physical condition to catch the cracked out bad guys roaming the streets?!?! Why are they on the lazy maker of machines?!?!

Anyone? Anyone? Beuller??

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

I just went to my favorite news channels website, and on the home page are three stories glaring at me:
1) Swine flu in the US.
2) Police manhunt for professor for killing spree
3) The Mob is loving the economic downturn.

Well, if these don't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I don't know what will. This type of thing is what makes me say, "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!"

New opportunities...

I just applied for a new job. I feel like I need a new one. I feel like I am floundering a bit where I am, and that I need to shake things up a bit. I am not offered health benefits where I am now, don't even get me started. I applied for a job in the same type field, but in management...ooooh...

I am hopeful, please keep the good vibes flowing. I am also hoping that if this pans out, I can take my kids out of where they are now for the Summer, get a babysitter to come to my place to watch them, and then let them go back in the Fall for before and after care. Hoping...hoping....praying...

I think I would be great in the position for which I applied....ooooh, did you catch that fancy appropriate grammar....watch out baby!!

All I need is an interview, and I can sell myself. All I need is a foot in the door....come on universe, give me a sign, a signal, a shot!!!

Winter Wonderland

Since it is so freaking hot today, I decided to reminisce about one of the last Winter storms we had. Ahhh, the snow was so pretty, we sledded, built a snowman, had a snowball fight....ahhh...I may need to stick an ice cube down my top to really get the feeling back from this day...

It seems like we may skip a real Spring and go straight to Summer. Well, at least it seems that way today, who knows what next week brings.

Tomorrow the girls and I are heading to the zoo. Tomorrow, which is supposed to be hotter than today...LMAO!!! Yes, I am insane.

Let's just all sit and look at my Winter Wonderland.....mmmmm...a nice fire, a nice honey, a nice soft blanket, mmmm, that is perfect to me.

Bubba....

This was my Bubba. Yes, I dressed him as a Bubba Pumpkin....so what! I had to leave him behind when I left, I couldn't take him to an apartment. The ex couldn't keep him either. He travels a lot for business, and Bubba is very special needs. He is congenitally deaf, and has been diagnosed as ADHD, yes, for real. He has many issues. Anyway, when the ex couldn't keep him, and we couldn't find a good home for him, he was turned over to the Mid-Atlantic German Shorthaired Pointer Rescue. They placed him in a foster home, and got him some great training. I check the website frequently to see what is going on with Bubba. I am sooo happy to announce, Bubba found a home. There is currently an adoption in progress, and he should be with his new family permanently, soon. I am so happy that his life has turned out for the better. I tried to work with him, but honestly, I just didn't have the resources to work with him like he needed.

I love you Bubba, and you will ALWAYS be Bubba to me...and I will ALWAYS love you...you big ole oaf!

Hiking Photo

I love this photo. I take a lot of pics when I go hiking, some of which are repetitive, but hey, I am happy out there in nature!! This one I really love. The sun was rising, and it's almost like the picture is depicting a light leading the way. As if the sun was shining the way down the path just for us. Showing us the way. They say when you die, you see a bright white light to lead the way over into the afterlife....I don't know who says that, but THEY do. I imagine it looking something like this for me. Being in nature, one of the peaceful, happy places for me, and seeing that bright light. That light that creates a desire inside your heart to follow it, but isn't so bright that you cannot see the way. A guide, and not a leader. A helping hand along the way...the way to whatever destination lies ahead.

Things that make me go HMMMMM..

I do these posts from time to time, when I see something that makes me wonder. Today the girls and I hit up "Paws at the Park" where I go hiking. I saw a TON of Dads with their kids, and their dog. Now, I saw one Mom with two little boys and the dog. I felt for her, her kids were about 2 years, and the other was about 8 months and in a backpack carrier. Her dog was pretty rowdy as well. I told her she was brave!! She said no, she was crazy, I didn't argue the point.

Most of the Dads (and the one Mom) all had wedding bands on. This is something I look at now, on everyone. Now that I am divorced, I am always curious to see what people are doing with their kids that are in my situation. I was curious to know, where were the Moms?? Is this their day to relax and catch up on the household stuff? Did they just not want to go? Does Dad (and the ONE MOM) love his honey sooo much that he just took the kids out to let her have some "Mommy" time?

I just find it curious nowadays how many Dads I see out with their kids on their own. I mean, I always see Moms out there, have always seen them. But there seems to be an increase in Dads getting out there and taking on the world with all the kids in tow. One guy had two little dogs and three girls about 6-9 years in age. I was impressed. I don't know how thrilled I would be to go out in 80 degree weather with two yappers, and three even bigger yappers!!!

With expectations come disappointment....

I have typically had issues with having expectations, and then being completely disappointed. Especially when I was a child. This happened constantly! You would think that becoming an adult, having gone through that, I would learn not to have expectations. Not so much. I think it is somewhat human nature, but it is something that I think we need to learn not to have. When we carry expectations of people, of situations, inevitably there is disappointment. What's the alternative? Not expecting.

Sometimes I get frustrated with people when they don't act in situations the way I would in the same situation. It has been something I constantly work with in my brain, the realization that just because I think a certain way is right, or the best, doesn't mean it is the only viable option. And even if someone picks another way, and it flops, it is still their choice. Yes, I know, I sound like a complete control freak. It is something I have come a long way with, letting go of expectation. I figured out that when I try to force my expectations, well, it usually ends up with me being irritated, and for no reason other than someone did things their way, and not mine. That hardly seems a reason to be irritated.

Letting go of expectations has really been an eye opening experience for me. I have always thought of myself as having a great deal of patience, and I do, but letting go of expectations increases that patience, and increasing the amount of peace I find inside. I can let go, and enjoy things more. I have found even more humor in the world. That is a whole other post, finding humor in the world.

Let go of those expectations you place on others, and many you place on yourself. Let them go and see what happens inside. It is so much happier a mind that is at peace.

When do you know?

Someone in my inner circle is going through something very similar to what I went through last year. She asked me the other day how she would know when it was time.

How do you know when enough is enough? How do you know when the time has come to make the leap into the unknown? How do you know when it's time to have blind faith that you WILL be okay, and just do it? You just know. There is a moment in time, hopefully not to painful a moment, when you say to yourself, "What I am going through right now is worse than my fear of leaving." At that point, it's time to go. When the disdain for the situation outweighs the fear of what is going to happen, then you know.

That moment happened for me in a very dramatic way, which I will not go into detail about here. It was scary, but no one was physically injured. It was a moment in which I thought to myself, "This is your life, and this is crazy. This is the most drama you have ever endured, and THIS is too much." I want a peaceful, happy, fun life. Not one filled with fear, angst, sadness...who wants that?!?!

That was my moment. I knew it. I was scared to the point of shaking, but I made the move I needed to. It took help from the proper channels, which I pursued. Never in my life have I made a more daring move, never have I been more scared. Never have I questioned what my life had become, more than that night. Everything from then on, well, it was and is hard, but it is easier than that night.

How do you know when anything is right? How do you know when you have found the right person? Chosen the right major? Chosen the right job? Faith. When your faith is shaken, it can be tough to regain. I have issues with faith on a daily basis. I constantly question whether I even deserve to be happy. I question my value as a person, whether I am worthy of the treatment I long for by someone who is my partner for life. I question these things, but in the end, I have faith that the answer is yes, I do deserve it. Yes, I will have it. Yes, I will be able to give it in return. Yes, happiness exists, and I have it.

When do you know? When your heart tells you so.

My Year...

For most people the year starts in January. January 1st to be exact. When I title this blog, "My Year," I intend to begin with March of last year leading up to March of this year, and now even into almost May.

Last year I moved myself and my(our) children out of the family home and started separation/divorce proceedings. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and yet it has brought me more peace than anything else the past couple years has brought me. I left a situation that had deteriorated into two people just hurting each other any way they could. Two people that had once loved each other, turned into two people that could do nothing but bring out the worst in each other. Now, being biased, as I am kinda on my own side, I will say that I feel the scales were tipped a little bit. I feel that my behavior was far outweighed by my counterpart, but I am sure he would disagree. That's why living in America is great. He can disagree and I can say I don't give a rat's ass.

This past year I have adjusted to being a single Mom (which wasn't too far of a stretch), continued to work full time (I started working again a year before I left), tried my best to continue school (that seems the first thing to drop when the going gets really tough), and started dating again after being off the market for 11+ years. Out of all these things, I have to say the dating again ranks up there with one of the toughest. That's pretty sad huh.

I want to use this blog to share where I have been, where I am, where I want to go. I find myself feeling like I am at somewhat of a crossroads. I feel like parts of my life are moving forward smooth sailing, and others, well, I feel like I am looking down a path that is familiar and comfortable but wondering if it is the path that I wish to stay on. Or is there a better path? Is there a less travelled path that I should give a whirl. What are my options?

So, if you are still reading, well, sit back and enjoy the ride. One thing you will quickly learn about me, if you haven't already is that I love to tell a story, and I always have a story to tell. I like to live an interesting life, a good life, but interesting nonetheless. And if it doesn't seem all that interesting, just wait, I know I can spice it up!!

Hello World!!!

So if you are here, you probably know me. How well you know me is beyond me, you tell me, how well do you know me? Do you know me well enough to know that it is a dream of mine to be a writer, and I use blogging randomly to try and fulfill a desire inside to have people read what I write? Huh? Do you know that? Well, you do now huh.

I have spent the past year going through more drama in my life than anyone should. I am now a single Mom with two girls, a dog, a full time job, a college course load, a load of, "dating after being married for freaking ever" stories, and a host of other interesting tidbits about my life.

I look for the humor in everything, and do my best to always give every story I tell the utmost in detail and my all in effort to tell the story with flair.

So the title, "Shut the front door." If you've never heard it before, it's a nice way of telling someone to Shut the F up. That's the reality of it people....it is what it is.

So here I am again. This is where I will blog, no more Facebook notes, geez o'Pete, were they THAT bad?!?!

Okay, book mark me, share me (in url form only), and pass me around like a hunk of calorie free chocolate at the biggest PMS party known to man....